When we are brought up in dysfunctional homes, we try to implement the trauma and the behaviour patterns in our adult relationships as well. This often shows up as parentification. This transcends from the habit of being our parent and also the parent to our emotionally immature caregivers in the past. When we start being in a romantic relationship in our adulthood, we try to implement the patterns with our partner as well. Hence, we start parenting the partner and looking over their mistakes. “If you’ve ever wondered why you’re staying in your relationship even though you constantly have doubts, struggle to enjoy spending time with your partner and don’t feel truly wanted and loved, then it’s time to uncover your reason. Because once you know why you stay, you can start to take measures to liberate yourself. Before then, everything is too intangible to take effective action to improve your situation,” wrote Relationship Coach Marlena Tillhon.
Remind them: We are constantly making sure that we remind them of everything that they need to do. This further makes them rely on us and escape their own responsibilities.
Financial support: We constantly pay their bills, pay their share and are in charge of their financial dealings. We believe that they are not financially mature to handle things.
Tolerate them: We never hold them accountable for things that they do and end up doing our share in the relationship added to their share as well.
Walk on eggshells: We think of them as the child in the relationship and try to manage their mood at all times. Often, we walk on eggshells around them to ensure that we do not end up triggering them.
Refrain from sharing our needs: We feel that our needs and wants can make them feel overwhelmed, so we try to not share our emotions with them.
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