Conflicts and disagreements are natural in a relationship. Contrary to our beliefs, conflicts are healthy as they help us to understand the perspectives and changes in our partner better. However, conflicts are meant to be addressed. When we suppress the conflicts and let them be, over a period of time, they can lead to resentment. “In any relationship, conflicts and misunderstandings are inevitable. But it’s the process of rupture and repair that truly strengthens and deepens our connections,” wrote Therapist Linda Meredith. A conflict goes through a process from rupture to repair. Here is the process to address it effectively.
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Activation: The first step in a conflict is the activation where the partners get triggered and fear-based responses happen. Survival strategies of individuals get reflected in their behaviour patterns and dysregulation may show up.
Stabilisation: The next step is stabilisation we need to turn in to inner resources to understand emotions better. Accessing tools for self-regulation and self-care practices helps us to understand emotions better.
Honouring the pain: Becoming more aware of the emotions, and understanding how they originated, noticing the sensations the emotions cause in us and accepting and surrendering to those emotions help us to address the emotions better.
Reflection: Contemplating the trauma patterns we have, leaning into the discomfort, addressing the uncomfortable emotions and taking responsibility for our responses helps us to become more self-aware.
Compassion: Learning about our behaviour patterns, learning to accept ourselves the way we are and addressing the difficult emotions in a healthy way can help us to solve the conflicts and find common grounds with the partner to create a healthy space in the relationship. This further helps in fostering resilience and encouraging emotional growth.
“Embrace the ebb and flow of relationships. It’s through these experiences that we truly grow together,” added the Therapist.
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